miau

New Skills

2008-10-08T10:35:00.006+08:00

I have learnt:

to not stick out like a sore thumb;
that chatting is fine but still need to retain my privacy;
it's still best practice to keep my mouth shut;
that honesty is not always the best policy;
that it's impossible to please everyone, at least one person would be offended...
that flattery gets you further in life;
that kindness doesn't always pay and often taken advantage of;
that going the extra miles doesn't get recognition;
that I'm actually hella' good at making small talks;
that I don't need to like what I do to excel;
that intelligence helps but doesn't guarantee success - people skill does;
that loyalty doesn't count shit - it's covering your own ass that counts;
that it's important to make more friends;
that politics exists everywhere;
that the more I know the more confused I am;
to be on my toes at all times;
that life is a bitch;
that I have to work smarter - not harder;
that bad decisions could be fatal; and finally
that I'm really a much better salesperson than I thought!

Code 3!

2008-10-03T14:35:00.003+08:00

How does one respect another who may be different from most?

Do you discriminate? Should we respect that they are no different from most of us 'cept for the minor incapabilities and should be treated the same? Or should they be treated more delicately because they are disadvantaged?

What defines a 'norm'?

What if there were more gay people in this world than straight? Would that make you a weirdo if you were straight then?

We'll meet again...

2008-09-19T07:53:00.004+08:00

Vegas
6 December 1998 - 19 September 2008

Hello Kitty Credit Card!

2007-09-08T09:43:00.000+08:00

I WANT I WANT I WANT WANT WANT sooo much!

I tried to apply but it's only available to U.S. Residents. Offered by Bank of America...

Zara Pink Boxers

2007-06-23T04:22:00.003+08:00

I was with auntie who was browsing at Zara, Marina Square. I chanced upon this cute pink boxers that spelled my name!!!

I HAD TO BUY IT!!!

My chinese zodiac is sheep...

IT SPELLED MY NAME!!!

In cute PINK!!!

Can this get any cuter?

YOU TELL ME???

Zara Pink Boxers, originally uploaded by miau on 23rd June, 2007.

The Peak

2007-04-06T16:26:00.002+08:00

I climbed uphill. I stumbled and fell occassionally. As I focused on my destination, I didn't feel the bruises nor my weary body. The difference in the pressure made my breathing really difficult. I had left my baggage pieces by pieces along the way. Finally I dropped my backpack so that it wouldn't weigh me down.

The journey seemed almost eternity. But I was sure it will be all worth it. I could almost see heaven from where I was standing. As I continued to march on, I couldn't help contain my excitement, my expectations.

I had heard many times over, of how great it was up there, of how many people had tried the hike but few handful made it.

As I reached the peak, the paranomic view was breathtaking. I was closer to the stars than anyone. I was on the same level as the clouds. I had the whole world under my feet.

But I didn't like it.

I was alone. And I have acrophobia.

I realized I'm more comfortable on ground level. I missed home.

My home in your arms had been better than the peak. I was secure then.

I lifted my teary face from my palms, I stood up.

I called out your name. I heard your name echoed back to me.

I now know where I wanna go.

I turned around. I picked up my pace.

I am racing back home now.

I hope I'm not too late, I hope I can still make it back in time.

Baby, have you changed the padlock?

Birthday Surprise

2007-04-03T19:13:00.001+08:00

My good friend, E Lin, came by and we had lunch at Spizza, Balmoral Plaza. She then surprised me with the waiting staff to bring out a birthday cake for me. Since she'll be away on my birthday so she's celebrating it earlier. Thanx gal!

Happy Birthday Me, originally uploaded by miau on 3rd April, 2007.

Dance With My Father

2007-03-08T03:43:00.002+08:00

I never have had a father's love.

Most people have doting fathers. I was and am never jealous nor envious, I am only sorry I do not get to experience such wonderful feeling of being loved by a father.

I do not hate my father. I do not know him.

My mother's extraordinary love has more than made up for the lack of a father's love.

I remember when I was in elementary school. I forgot a book and telephoned my mom crying. She turned up at my school with my book.

She woke up each day before morning, to prepare my lunch just so I could bring my bento to work when I complained food was far and sucked.

She still wakes up each day before morning, to complete chores so that her children have a comfortable home to live in.

Beautiful, beautiful song...

"Dance With My Father" by Luther Vandross.

I have been so busy and caught up at work. But I try make time to visit my mom whenever I can. Unfortunately it isn't too often, maybe twice or thrice a month.

"Dance With My Father" stirs my heart I just had to drop everything and all work, to visit my mom today.

We didn't do much nor go far. We went to a nearby mall browsing around. Saw some nice shirts and I took out my Visa. My mom does not care for such things, but it really made her happy I bought her stuffs. Spending time with my mom is incredible.

Today is the best day I had since so many long forgotten years.

Thanks mom, I had a great time!

Mahjong

2007-02-01T14:39:00.001+08:00

Everyone deserves a lil' break sometimes!

Mahjong, originally uploaded by miau on 1st February, 2007.

Singaporean Social Retards

2007-02-01T11:52:00.000+08:00

Good news for all you local socially-challenged dimwits out there, you've got hope! Hallelujah! Note: For Men Only

I was surfing for expired domains when I chanced upon this site.

I cannot believe what I'm looking at. This is preposterous! Ripping off desperate social retards...

But I'll hafta admit though, very ingenious and bold project. Definitely one-of-a-kind untapped niche in Singapore. (I'm already scheming to set up a clone. Maybe I'll rope in my brother...)

LOVE, me

2007-01-22T20:57:00.000+08:00

Nobody ever tell you life is gonna be easy.

Nobody ever say that life is fair too.

Were you asked if you had wanted to be borned?

Not everything in life has a choice.

For all things else that we do have a choice, Life, however, is determined by those decisions that we make.

Nobody is responsible for you.

Your parents may guide you, ultimately, it is your choice.

Whatever your current situation is right now, be it an achiever, an under-achiever, or a total loser, you owe it to yourself.

I have been wishing to stop procrastination for some time now.

I have not been successful because I see it on top of my resolution list every year.

I am not successful because I had wished to stop procrastination. I had not wanted to stop procrastination.

Not wanted to stop procrastination badly enough.

I choose play over work.

I choose to put off work.

I am lazy.

I am not focused.

I have no excuses.

I did not love myself.

My Life was a wreck.

I chose to wallow in misery. I decided to be sad.

Because nobody loves me, so I don't love myself too.

A failed relationship had left me broken.

My LOVE had let me down.

Yes, it was painful. It still pains.

A broken heart is always the most painful. My heart broke.

My soul broke.

My life broke.

(My bank broke too.)

This hurt was caused by someone whom I gave my heart to, but broke it. I was not cherished.

That person is not the only one who had let me down.

Someone else more important did not cherish me either.

I had let myself down. I did not love MYSELF.

I owe myself LOVE that I had denied myself. I must LOVE myself more to make it up to me.

I have made a decision today: I want to LOVE myself.

Resolution 2007 Revised.
Stop Procrastination
LOVE myself

Loving Myself: If I don't, who would?

New Furniture, New Look, New Year

2007-01-04T11:55:00.001+08:00

When a person shakes off his image for a new one, dons a new attire, elevates his stature, does he also manage to refine his persona? Or is he just the familiar rookie he is?

New furnishing, new look, same house.

Home, originally uploaded by miau on 4th January, 2007.

Dear God...

2007-01-02T18:13:00.002+08:00

I pray everyday for strength.

I pray for strength to move forward.

I pray for strength to check my temper.

I pray for strength to withstand unkindness thrown at my face.

I pray for strength again to keep my composure and please Lord, make me not to stoop to levels as low as those who are without strength.

I pray again, for more strength, to be kinder to people who are without strength.

I thank you God, for I am strong today.

Where is the LOVE?

2007-01-01T21:34:00.000+08:00

I got to thinking. Do people really change? Or does a leopard really will never change its spots?

Do people conveniently change to suit others? Or do people need to change in order to adapt the environment?

Maybe people never did change, just putting up a front to fit in, a chameleon.

Where then, is the love?

Where is the LOVE?, originally uploaded by miau on 20th October, 2007.

Melancholia

2005-11-07T00:37:00.000+08:00

It's late and I can't sleep. I have been keeping late nights for half a decade now.

Today, I'm just in one of those common melancholy moods I experience frequently...

And it sure doesn't help that I'm listening to "The End of The World" right now...

The realization surges again. I had put these thoughts at the back of my mind, trying to be Peter Pan in Nevereverland. I spent an eternity in my bedroom. Just me and my computer. Internet access, and video games.

I'm no match for time.

I grow. And time still passes by.

By staying home, I felt like time had stood still. I am still the me who was 5 years ago. Everything was just like yesterday.

Today, I remembered, time had passed by. And I grew. And nothing was ever the same anymore outside my bedroom.

It saddens me to realize, I had let half a decade passed by, doing nothing.

I'm so lost.

All my life, the one thing I thought I have lived for, was taken away from me. I felt lost. Confused. Empty. Lonely. Depressed.

Life is so meaningless.

I eat and breathe everyday. Day after day, the sun still goes on its usual routine. Going up and coming down. Giving the world what they call, "Yesterday", "Today", and "Tomorrow".

I guess this is what everybody is trying to tell me when they say, "Life still goes on."

But no one understands. What goes on, is the body. What is inside, is gone. I am just an empty shell...

I have no dreams nor aspirations. I have no zeal nor enthusiasm. I have no more love to give...

Sometimes I hate myself.

I hate myself for breathing. I feel like a garbage. I'm wasting the earth's resources and taking up space. Ever heard of the song "Creep"?

Does anyone feel the same way I do?

My heart aches all the time. I feel a physical pain in my chest whenever I breathe. Or maybe I take in too much air and my lungs are just too small, so that every breath hurts and I mistook the pain as heartache. I dunno. The pain is excruciating especially at night.

I'm tired now.

I wanna log off.

My pain is consuming me. Sometimes I'm scared. Because I know I'm on the line. What if I break? Will I ever heal? Can I ever be happy again? I feel so cheated how people can say "Time heals."

Bangkok, Thailand

2005-10-31T22:08:00.002+08:00

Spent the weekend at auntie's. Sunday night went Devil's Bar and met a long time ago friend, Andrea, aka Skye. She was performing that night. Monday morning, auntie woke up, turned to me, "Let's go Bangkok tonight."

So, here we are - Bangkok, Thailand. 10 October 2005, Monday.

Nana had fetched us from the airport and we headed straight to her house for the night.

11 October 2005, Tuesday.

Went shopping. Nana left her bag in the cab. Finally got to see Alex for the first time. Night came. We went to bed. Met up with Jay and Mike, Mark and Mint and the rest. Came midnight. Aunite's birthday!

12 October 2005, Wednesday.

This day was auntie's birthday. We went to Four-Faced Buddha, and 2 other Buddhas for Love, and Career respectively, just across the street.

Bought a mini blueberry cheesecake, topped with a single candle. Nana and I sang "Happy Birthday" for auntie.

This night we went to Buddy, Khao San Road.

13 October 2005, Thursday.

Oh, we visited this very cool temple. This temple is a MUST-SEE for anyone visiting Bangkok. It is situated very near Wat Pin Giaw (Grand Imperial Temple). This temple is named the San Jao Por Lak Mueng. In this temple there is a magical statue of Buddha. Ask him any question! Ask twice. But make sure to repeat your question ending with "You will be Light," and "You will be Heavy." You will be freaked out that the statue you couldn't lift is so light on your second attempt. Or that you could lift effortlessly seemed to be rooted down on your second attempt...

Evening auntie had a massage at Health Land. Alex's car broke down. So he couldn't turn up at Health Land. But we all had dinner at Fuji.

After dinner we visited the Night Bazaar for awhile.

14 October 2005, Friday.

Night came. Elin arrived Bangkok at night just in time when we were leaving for RCA. Unfortunately, she decided not to join us. We went party again. This time, at Hip Hop, RCA.

15 October 2005, Saturday.

Elin met up with us at Silom to go Chaktu Chak together. Evening, we met Bird for dinner and went to Booze. It was Bird's birthday celebration and they had opened 4 bottles of Red Label. Anyhow, auntie and I had to leave early. I heard they ended finishing 10 bottles of Red Label...

16 October 2005, Sunday.

This day was Bird's birthday. Elin and I were supposed to dine with Bird and her parents. But because it was raining so her parents called off but we still had our dinner with Bird nontheless. Then late evening we moved on to Khao San Road where we joined with auntie. Nana and Alex joined up later.

17-18 October 2005, Monday-Tuesday.

I cannot remember what we did on those days. But auntie was down with fever. And the rest were salon visits. And Alex broke his finger.

19 October 2005, Wednesday.

We made POTATO CUTLETS (miau's favorite) and went for tarrot-reading with Par and Warren.

If I remember correctly, this night we partied at Route 66, RCA. We took some photos on a "Neoprints" kinda machine just outside the club when we left.

20 October 2005, Thursday.

First day of class for auntie.

Khao San Road at night. Man, I had the BEST PITA I've ever eaten!

21 October 2005, Friday.

Second and last day of class for auntie. Class ended early so we went starbucks and then to Escudo Club to meet up with Jay.

22 October 2005, Saturday.

Jay was to have a concert performance in Pattaya on Sunday. So off we went to Pattaya. There were 6 of us - Jay and Mike, Nana and Alex, auntie and I. We checked into a hotel called Welcome Plaza Hotel.

Jay, Mike, Nana, and Alex went for the foam party while auntie and I decided to shop around the streets. We all returned to the hotel slightly just after midnight (Bangkok time).

Auntie was tired and retired early while I met up with Nana and Alex in Jay's and Mike's room. So we gathered. Drank, ate, and gambled. I excused myself to leave early. I had to go back to my auntie. I didn't feel good leaving her alone in the room. When I returned auntie was half asleep. She couldn't talk. All I heard were mumbles. But she's playing with the TV remote control alright.

Since the room was 2 single beds I really couldn't sleep. It made me feel "alone". I was high and auntie was sleeping. So I surveyed the room and found myself a perfect spot to sleep. I took my pillows and blankie and settled on the floor right beside auntie. See, this perfect spot didn't allow me to see the balcony, the window, the mirror, the cupboard, and the toilet! PLUS, it's right beside auntie so it made me feel not "alone". PERFECT.

Next morning auntie asked me while I was still sleeping, "Where's the gal?"

"What gal?"

"The gal that came back with you last night,"

Not funny.

I shouted at auntie, "Auntie, WHAT GAL???!!!"

Auntie shut up. I went back to sleep. We checked out. Gathered at the lobby with Nana and Alex. Jay and Mike had already left for concert practice.

Auntie confirmed the previous night I came back with someone else. Or rather, something else. Spooky.

23 October 2005, Sunday.

Had lunch by the beach. Went Ripley's Believe It Or Not. Then we went for Tiffany Show.

Umm... we missed Jay's concert... Yikes, we came to Pattaya for her concert but we missed it.

Rushed back to Bangkok.

24 October 2005, Monday.

This was the day of departure. We picked up auntie's certificate for the 2-day course on the way to the Airport.

We got back in Singapore. And my mom wasn't too happy I had stayed for dinner at auntie's place instead of heading straight home.

Country Life

2005-09-28T16:49:00.000+08:00

I returned home yesterday. I spent 5 days in some remote "dunno-where" suburb of Surabaya, Indonesia.

It had been so laid back. I had nothing to do. There wasn't internet access at all. Also, I became a perfect source of food for the mosquitoes...

It was fortunate I had my deck of poker cards and my senior companion. Okay, she wasn't THAT old... In fact she looks 10 years younger than her age. Very modern, with very pleasant demeanor.

I've been so imprisoned in my own bedroom, I have to admit, other than my family, I think I haven't actually socialized with anyone for a long time!

A friend of my mom, I didn't bother to get to know. Since I'd be stuck in a week long "dunno-where" retreat, it's definitely a good idea to befriend my auntie. I'm surprised this lady engages in intellectual conversations. And I appreciate that.

This "retreat", a 4-hour drive from the airport, has no heater, no air-conditioning, and water supply comes from a well.

The purpose of this trip is a "vacation for the soul". For the troubled heart, the serenity of a country life can give one peace. To calm down, to re-evaluate, to soul-search.

However, this is all too laid back for me. I'm so glad I'm home. We were delayed and had to catch the next flight which is another couple of days. So we went shopping for clothes. And I tell you, shopping for clothes can make one realize how FAT one is... My first resolution after this trip - loose weight!!!

To anyone reading my blog, to the depressed, to auntie, and to myself, "I wish you WELL!"